I am working from home right now. That must mean I am not an essential worker. I would say I have to agree with that assessment. Though, if I am not essential, what do I do with my 8–10 hours of work every day?
What is essential work?
Those deemed essential are people fulfilling basic human needs. They are farmers, meat processors, truck drivers, and grocery store workers that keep our food supply chain operating and all of us fed. They are military, fire, and police personnel that keep us safe. They are the doctors, nurses, and EMTs working on the front lines of this pandemic to keep us healthy and alive. There are many others and most were there before they were deemed “essential”, keeping us safe and ensuring our basic needs were met.
Is what I do essential?
I am a systems architect for software that usually never matures to a high technology readiness level. I spend the majority of my workday sitting at my desk and typing on my keyboard. Does what I do save lives? No one’s ever given me the indication that that is the case. Does it benefit the world? Perhaps in some way. If I didn’t do what I’m doing now, would the world notice? Probably not. So what I do is clearly not essential, so it makes me wonder “is there something better I can be doing with my life?”.
I’ve never felt enthralled with what I do for a living, though it can be interesting once in a while. I enjoy problem-solving and being creative through writing code. I acknowledge that the work may make a difference somewhere down the line, though I can’t help having the feeling that I should be doing something else.
Perhaps it is a natural human response to never be happy in one’s current situation. The grass is always greener, they say. Though really I think it is the truth — I should be doing something else. I think I’ve become complacent and not willing to venture beyond my safe life.
I have these essential workers watching my back to ensure that I have my basic needs met. I am indebted to them for allowing me to even ponder this level of need, of whether or not how I spend the bulk of my days is meaningful.
How can I be essential?
I’m not going to go to medical school at this juncture in my life. I’m not going to go to truck driving school. I’m not going to enlist in the Army. My goal is to determine if and how I can provide more value in a way that is meaningful to myself. Am I giving the world with my full potential?
Perhaps I’m putting undue pressure on myself, but I don’t feel like I’m growing or evolving in the way that I should. I don’t know if it stems from feeling that I’m not making much impact in the world, either for my ego or the world itself, or from the feeling that some fundamental need deep inside myself is not being met.
For much of my life I’ve felt this undeniably push to accomplish. That there’s always something more I should be doing and that there are so many things in which I need to place my attention. In retrospect this push has been counterproductive to its goal. That ambition often created more pressure to produce rather than taking a deliberate approach to daily life. It clouded what truly is essential in this life.
More often lately, I think that there’s nothing I can do. For most of us what it means to be essential is how we operate in our own little microcosm. How we relate to and treat those in our lives. How we approach our work, no matter what the nature of that work is. I think that is enough.
The work I do to make a living may not be essential in the eyes of the world, though I can operate in a way that makes my existence essential to those closest to me. I can be a better husband, son, brother, son, friend, and coworker.
These are uncertain times, unprecedented in most of our lives. I’m grateful for all those that are out in the world providing services that keep the world moving and its humanity safe and well. There will be time later to wonder if there’s something better I can be doing with my life, but for right now it’s enough to know that I can make a difference to those closest to me.
And there are plenty of opportunities to make a difference. To be a little better in everything you do. To be kind to a stranger. To make someone’s day brighter. To give someone a little more hope. To send someone a positive message. You don’t have to be on the front lines to be essential.